I ran across this photo and figured there had to be more to the story.

It turns out that she is referring to Dick Vitale.  Here is his bio as posted on imdb.com

This New Jersey native is to college basketball what fireworks and watermelon are to the 4th of July. Known as Dickie V to his legions of fans all over America, his coaching career started at East Rutherford High School in the late 60s. As his career progressed he went on to coach the University of Detroit and the Detroit Pistons of the NBA. Fired in 1979 as coach of the NBA Pistons he immediately took a job at the start up cable network ESPN, pairing with Jim Simpson to call its first ever college basketball game for $350 that same year. As the popularity of college basketball took off in the 80s, Vitale's fame also soared as ESPN's #1 color analyst. Still working for ESPN, Dick has fan clubs on college campuses all over America and is often more popular with the fans than the game he is covering. He is famous for his catch phrases such as "DIAPER DANDY" (a freshman) or screaming "THATTA WAY" after a great play or slam dunk. Dick is in high demand as a motivational speaker. He is also the author of several books including "Vitale: Time Out, Baby!" and "Campus Chaos: Why the Game I Love is Breaking My Heart". The Seton Hall grad currently lives in the Tampa area, where he has season tickets to the Devil Rays, with his wife Lorraine.

As the son of a schoolteacher, I have a habit of noticing when people make errors in grammar, usage or spelling.  I don't go so far as to correct the individual (at least, not adults), but a little bell goes off in my brain when it happens.

However, there is one thing that I find particularly annoying... when educated, otherwise-intelligent people use "irregardless".  When this happens, I still manage to refrain from correcting the, apparently, reckless yammering vagrant, but it takes a great deal of restraint to do so.  I have no defence for this reaction other than to reiterate that I am the son of a schoolteacher... maybe I should be pitied?  Just wait... after reading this entry, some smartass is probably going to come along and point out all of the errors I have made in this blog .

Maybe I'm getting worked up over nothing... perhaps, according to Random House, "irregardless" is a ham sandwich.

  July 21, 1997
irregardless
Lynn Duffield writes:

Should I let it bother me when people use the word "irregardless"? I don't feel that "regardless" deserves a prefix, but people use it anyway, regardless of what I say. To me the word is redundant.

To most people the word is redundant. Irregardless is one of the few words eliciting uniform condemnation across the spectrum of usage writers.

Irregardless, which has the same meaning as regardless, is an Americanism first recorded in the early twentieth century. It combines the negative prefix ir- (a form of in-), probably taken from irrespective, and regardless, which already has a negative meaning through the suffix -less. It is thus, in theory, redundant, and like many theoretically redundant words it has been criticized by usage commentators. Its use may stem from a desire to add emphasis to regardless.

A common response is to deny the fact that irregardless is even a word. A year ago, after a prominent book editor used it, the N.Y. Times called it a "non-word"; a recent usage book claims that "this isn't a word" and "there is no such word." One is tempted to ask, "If it's not a word, what is it? A ham sandwich?"

What is clear is that this ham sandwich, while occasionally found in the speech of educated people, and very rarely in edited prose, is so widely condemned that it cannot be considered Standard English.

In sum, yes, you should let it bother you.

Amazing game last night and a super drive engineered by Dickenson to score the winning touchdown.  It was also very nice to see a huge crowd at the Sky... err.. Rogers Centre for a CFL game.  Keep on rolling Lions!

I have previously written about my exorbitant cable bill that gives me hundreds of channels I almost never watch.  Well, the other night I was flipping around and on Teletoon I saw Rocket Robin Hood.  This was a cartoon I watched as a kid and despite the fact that, even by standards back then, the animation was truly awful, I watched it regularly.  I remember my Dad saying "they use the same sequences over and over and they occasionally change the backgrounds".  Yeh, it was awful but I still watched it as a kid.

Anyhow, I've seen a couple of episodes and I guess the nostalgia factor has kicked in.  Also, the various songs that are played between the various scenes (those who've seen the show know EXACTLY what I'm referring to) are now being etched in my brain.  AAARRRGGGH!

Here's a site I found that gives you more than you probably want to know about Rocket Robin Hood.  The pics in this entry are shamelessly stolen from there... (at least I gave credit where credit is due).

The more I hear about the Runaway Bride, the more I think this woman is a mess (and ditto to her fiancee who took her back).  This latest article gives more details on her life, pointing out that:

• she disappeared because she was afraid she could not be the perfect wife
• she picked Austin, Texas as a destination after seeing Matthew (naked bongo) McConaughey talk about it on TV
• She kept "I love you" text messages from another man (not her fiancee) she dated in 2003
• her mom did her banking for her
• she decided to disappear with a whopping $240
• she couldn't afford a hotel in Vegas, but remembered that there were lots of hotels in Albuquerque so spent all but 4 bucks on a ticket to there (surprise!  you can't get a hotel room for $4)

FBI: Bride 'just wanted to disappear'

Report: She saved messages from man she once dated

LAWRENCEVILLE, Georgia (AP) -- Runaway bride Jennifer Wilbanks wanted to vanish because she feared she could not be the perfect wife. She picked Austin, Texas, as her original destination after seeing actor Matthew McConaughey talk about his hometown on TV.

And she funded her odyssey by cashing a cell phone rebate check and emptying an old bank account.

Those were some of the details that emerged Tuesday from investigation reports by the FBI and the Georgia Bureau of Investigation that detailed Wilbanks' flight. The reports portrayed the 32-year-old nurse as a naive woman whose mother did her banking for her.

Wilbanks also discussed her ordeal in an NBC interview Tuesday night, saying she was suicidal when she fled.

"I had a bottle of pills or I had the bus ticket," she said.

Wilbanks' disappearance four days before her scheduled 600-guest wedding gained national attention. Hundreds of officers and volunteers -- including members of the wedding party -- searched for her for three days before she called her fiance from Albuquerque, New Mexico, early in the morning of her planned wedding day, claiming to have been abducted and sexually assaulted. She soon recanted her story, saying she fled because of personal issues.

Wilbanks told investigators that she didn't know about the extent of the search because she didn't see any television or listen to any radio while on the run. The one time she glanced at a newspaper, she "did not see her picture on the front," FBI agents wrote after interviewing Wilbanks on May 4, days after she returned from her cross-country bus trip.

"Wilbanks stated that she felt very humbled that so many people had been searching for her, but she did not feel like she had done anything wrong and she just wanted to disappear," the report said.

Agents said in the report that Wilbanks "was scared to marry (fiance) John Mason because she is afraid of an imperfect world. Wilbanks stated that she could not be the wife that her fiance John Mason needed. Wilbanks wanted to disappear without a trace."

The report from Georgia investigators said she broke off an earlier engagement to another man, and -- even though she had been in a relationship with Mason since August 2004 -- she kept "I love you" text messages on her cell phone from another man she dated in 2003.

Wilbanks pleaded no contest earlier this month to telling police her phony story and was sentenced to two years of probation and 120 hours of community service. She also was ordered to continue mental health treatment and pay the sheriff's office $2,550. The city of Duluth spent nearly $43,000 to search for her; Wilbanks has repaid $13,249.

Wilbanks originally wanted to flee to Austin after seeing McConaughey on TV, the FBI report said. After doing research on the Internet, she "thought it looked like a nice place to visit because of Austin's ranches and national parks," the report said.

A week before she disappeared, she purchased a ticket for a Greyhound bus that left April 26 from a station near the Atlanta airport.

Because her mother did her banking for her, Wilbanks scraped together a little more than $240 for her journey in a various ways, the report said. She cashed in a $100 rebate check for her cell phone. She received less than $100 after closing an old account at a credit union.

The night she disappeared, she withdrew $40 with her ATM card. She dared not use her card anymore because "her mother would be able to track her down," she told the FBI.

Then, after a bath and dinner, she left home for a jog, telling Mason that she would "run until she was tired." She instead ran a few blocks away to the city library, where a taxi took her to the airport. She then boarded the bus.

"Wilbanks realized during her travel on Greyhound that the Greyhound bus traveled to really rough areas for their bus stations," the FBI agents wrote.

After eating a meal during a stop in Dallas, she felt safer to be on the bus, the report said. She had no lodging arrangements in Austin and "was scared it may stop in a bad area," the report said, so she spent $107 of her money to continue on to Las Vegas.

She tried to get a room at three different hotels near the bus station in Las Vegas but they were all too expensive.

She told investigators that she then remembered a street full of hotels in Albuquerque, a city the bus had passed through on the way to Las Vegas. With only about $80 left, she bought a $76 ticket to Albuquerque.

Wilbanks arrived the next day. She asked a taxi driver to take her to a hotel where she had a travel coupon advertising rooms for $19.99. However, she only had enough money to pay for a taxi ride for part of the way. Out of money, she finally called her fiance collect.

This article is extremely interesting - it talks about the art of the con and how it has changed with technology.  There's not enough space to put the whole article here so I've copied a couple of paragraphs for you to get a feel for it...

BY CHRIS WRIGHT

EVERYONE IS A VICTIM

A short while ago, a man walked into a Boston police station bearing good news and bad news. Apparently, as a demographic, police officers are not very adept at keeping up with their cell-phone payments. The bad news was that the man — we’ll call him Bob — was there to collect outstanding phone bills. The good news was that the company Bob worked for — a collection agency — was offering a one-time-only deal. If the officers coughed up immediately, they would have to pay only a fraction of what they owed.

The opportunity seemed too good to pass up, and by the time Bob had finished brandishing his brochures and business plans, many of the cell-phone deadbeats wanted in. Forms were signed. Bills were paid. Receipts were shown. Cash changed hands. Bob was gone. A few weeks later, however, some odd things started happening. Cell-phone bills continued pouring in. Worse still, there were rumblings of fraud. The officers’ bills, it turned out, had been paid with a dodgy credit card. Somebody call the police! Oh, wait ...

The American Film Institute recently picked the top 100 movie quotes.  Here are the top 10 and this is followed by 5 of my favs:

1. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Gone with the Wind, 1939
2. "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." The Godfather, 1972
3. "You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." On the Waterfront, 1954
4. "Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." The Wizard of Oz, 1939
5. "Here's looking at you, kid." Casablanca, 1942
6. "Go ahead, make my day." Sudden Impact, 1983
7. "All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." Sunset Blvd., 1950
8. "May the Force be with you." Star Wars, 1977
9. "Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night." All About Eve, 1950
10. "You talking to me?" Taxi Driver, 1976

5 of Choo's Favs

This job would be great if it wasn't for the f*cking customers. - Clerks

They're coming to get you Barbara. - Night of the Living Dead

F*CK YOU, that's my name! - Glengarry Glen Ross

'Heineken'? F*ck that sh*t! 'Pabst Blue Ribbon'! - Blue Velvet

Those aren't pillows! - Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Last night I had dinner at Xam Yu on 339 Spadina Av (north of Dundas on the East side).  I frequent the restaurant as the food is reasonably priced and the seafood is excellent.  Soup was fish maw with crab meat - I liked it but Linda didn't... I guess she doesn't like the texture of the fish maw.  The other dishes we had were greens with giant mushroom, steamed snapper and tofu with bean curd - all general chinese fare but they all came through with flying colours.  Bottom line, if you are looking for a solid, inexpensive meal in Chinatown, definitelly check out Xam Yu.  Choo Chew rating - 7.5.

Football season is upon us and I'm looking forward to having the CFL back in action. You may have a little trouble determining which team I suppport.  Yeah, it sucked to lose the Grey Cup last year to the Argos (especially when you're at the game freezing your butt off in Ottawa and surrounded by Argo fans) but what can you do?  The Lions have a ton of talent and lots of coaching depth (the addition of Dave Ritchie to set up the D was sorely needed).  I'll be in Vancouver for the Grey Cup - let's win the Cup at home this year! 

This was taken from the Globe and Mail site from the day in pictures.  I'm not into birds (other than eating them), but this one looks amazing and it would be very neat to see one in real life.

A Rainbow Lorikeet sits on the flower of a Banksia Ashbyi shrub in a suburb of Perth, Australia. The Rainbow Lorikeet is thought to be derived from escaped aviary birds and has a preferred habitat of coastal forests and urban gardens.

Photo: Greg Wood/AFP/Getty Images

Hmm, a few days have passed without a posting.  Things have been extremely busy at work - we are approaching Year End and pushing hard to maximize our sales for the year.

Toronto Taste was a fun event - lots of stands with outstanding food.  The ongoing refrain from people there was "I'm so full but I want to try this...".  More than enough quality food and drink was available.  Was it worth the $225?  Well, it doesn't compare to a $200 meal (a la Susur or Perigee) but the experience was enjoyable and the money went to a good cause.  I would probably try it every 2 or 3 years...  Oh yeah, the bonuses were a) every attendee got a free Calphalon whisk (which was on my shopping list of items to buy) and b) the first 150 attendees to go to the Calphalon store got a 2.5 quart saucepan worth $150 (I got one)! 

Below you will find a few pics from the event...

I still have lobster on the brain since my all you can eat experience.  Many people wonder how the heck to eat these things as there is meat hidden in various nooks and crannies.  Here's a handy article explaining how to eat a lobster - you don't need to follow it exactly of course - I go straight for the tail and leave the claws for later.  Once people realize how easy it is to get the whole tail out in one quick swoop, their eyes light up as they have an amazing piece of meat ready to be enjoyed in all of its splendour.

PS - eat the tomalley... it looks gross but tastes great.

What better place to discuss lobster anatomy than at the dinner table? The first thing to do when your cooked lobster arrives is turn it over and announce whether it is a male or a female. How can you tell?

Most people start by breaking off the legs. Holding the lobster by the back, gently pull off the legs with a twisting motion.

Don't throw these away: there are plenty of delicious morsels inside!

Next, take off the claws, which are also called chelipeds.



Tear them off at the first joint, again with a gentle twisting motion, and note that the crusher claw usually is bigger than the tearing claw.

Gently remove the loose part of the claw. Again, check for especially tasty morsels in small parts!

Using a nutcracker, break off the tip of the large section of claw, revealing the meat.

With your forefinger, push the meat from the tip of the claw out the larger open end.

Notice the mouth parts, antennae, antennules, and rostrum or beak, all of which are inedible.

Grasp the tail portion with one hand, and the back with the other hand.

Twist to separate the two sections.

After that, turn to end of the tail which has small flippers, or telsons, at the base.

These provide tasty if miniscule chunks of meat to those who don't mind a little extra work.

Arguably, the best part of the lobster (the debate rages between tail lovers and claw lovers) is the tail meat.

Then insert your fingers into the telson end to push the tail meat out intact through the larger opening.

Peel off the top of the tail to reveal the digestive tract, which should be removed before eating the rest of the tail meat.

Intrepid diners who explore further find small chunks of meat inside the carapace, the hard shell or body of the lobster.

They may also encounter the gills, the circulation system, and green "tomalley"(the digestive gland) and in a female lobster, red "coral" or "roe" (the unfertilized eggs). Hard-core lobster lovers eat the latter two.

Tonight I'm heading to Toronto Taste.  The website describes it as follows:

Seduce your senses! Toronto Taste 2005 celebrates the 15th anniversary of this extravagant, glamorous affair. As the original, must-attend event for gourmands, Toronto Taste offers spectacular sights, inviting smells and tantalizing delicacies that entice you throughout the evening. You will delight in the sumptuous food prepared by 70 of the city's finest chefs, while savouring the beverages provided by 30 top vintners. Our fabulous silent auctions and raffle will stir you to temptation, while the beautiful florals and talented musicians draw you into an indulgent spirit.

Restaurant & Chef Participants
Toronto Taste attendees have the pleasure of choosing from an astonishing range of delicious cuisine as they roam from station to station, enjoying the culinary creations of the city's elite chefs.

Toronto Taste 2005 features barbequed veal with maple-chipotle glaze, raspberry lobster gazpacho, campofrio jamón Serrano, and Bajun fish cakes with coconut curried biscuit. Desserts include coconut lemon and meringue puffs, and chocolate fudge squares with mocha glaze.

Tickets are pricey, but the event is a benefit in support of Second Harvest, which supplies food to the needy.  I'll report on Toronto Taste later...

The Courtyard Marriott Downtown Toronto is located on Yonge Street, just North of College.  I had heard that the restaurant (Yonge Street Grille) there has a buffet on Saturday nights featuring all you can eat lobster... the price?  $24.95.  Yesterday evening I decided to give it a try.

I called ahead to verify that the buffet was on and was told that it ran until 9:30 but to show up before 9:00 to ensure that the food is still out.  My companion and I showed up 7:00 and were told that, since we didn't have a reservation, we had to wait for a table.  Why didn't they recommend we make a reseravation when we called (forget the fact that, looking into the restuarant, there were quite a few empty tables)?  Right after we were put on the waiting list, a group of 9 showed up without a reservation and the hostess informed them that she would ask the manager to see if they could be seated.  Well geez, thanks a lot Courtyard Marriott - treat me like a second class citizen because there's only 2 of us.  Immediately after the 9 were seated, I went to check how my waiting status was - they were getting a table ready, but I still tersely reminded them that it's not great optics when they serviced a larger group that showed up behind me.  On to the dining...

OK, let's be upfront.  The Yonge Street Grille is a standard quick-meal type place in a middle range hotel.  Decor is average (bench seating in some areas, chain restaurant type furniture), the lighting is so-so and the place is pretty noisy.  However, for 25 bucks, what do you expect?  This is a place you come to for the food, not the atmosphere.

Operating from memory, the buffet starts with some cold cuts and salads (tomato, green, shrimp and artichoke).  Next you have some pasta, rice and potatos.  Then there is some kind of seafood stew and a tray full of steamed lobsters (with butter for dipping of course).  Next is baron of beef and peel and eat shrimp.  Finally a bunch of desserts and some fresh fruit.

My strategy was, screw the filler, let's eat what we came for - lobster!  OK, not 100% true, I had a small bit of tomato salad and some of the shrimp and artichoke salad, but the rest of the time all I ate was lobster and peel and eat shrimp.  So how is the lobster?  Quite good - you can tell it was frozen because some of the claw meat had a different texture than fresh lobsters and the tomalley is more of a paste than a gooey liquid, rendering it virtually inedible.  However, what do you expect for the price?  The tails and claw meat were still very tasty and of a good quality.  The peel and eat shrimp were a nice, cool change when taking breaks between gulping down huge pieces of hot lobster.  The damage?  5 lobsters on my end (my companion had a more demure 2.  I could have squeezed in another to make it a cool half dozen, but why go overboard?  My choice of dessert?  A granny smith apple - it felt like the best way to finish off the meal and the sweet/sour crispness of the fruit tasted great while I nursed my full belly.  Overall a 7.5 on the Chew Choo meter - this place just misses getting Hall of Fame distinction but it is still highly recommended.

PS - don't dress well -  you are eating lobster and it's a messy beast. 

I'm somewhat lactose intolerant and like many people out there, have learned to deal with it (no milk, moderate amounts of cheese, ice cream etc.)  I found this article over at news.com (surprising since the site usually focuses on IT news) that explains how geographically based cultural evolution determines lactose intolerance.  The article contains the following paragraph:

Historians have theorized that this digestive culture clash contributed to hostilities between Vikings and indigenous tribes in Greenland 1,000 years ago. The Vikings, some believe, offered the lactose-intolerant natives milk.

I can only imagine how the Vikings probably thought that they were doing the natives of Greenland a favour by giving them a creamy drink of milk.  Meanwhile, these natives digestive systems are going haywire and they're wondering what kind of poison these Vikings were giving to them...

Jim Rome can be a pretty abrasive guy - he has a syndicated radio show called The Jungle (which, unfortunately, is no longer broadcast in Toronto when the Team sports radio went belly up) and he also has a show called Jim Rome is Burning which is broadcast on ESPN and, occasionally, TSN.

Jim likes to rip on various topics, primarily sports related with sarcastic, biting commentary.  Meanwhile, his fans (which he refers to as "The Clones"), send in emails with their 2 cents worth.  One example was when Rome was making fun of some basketball player who was past his prime.  One Clone emailed in a message stating "Dear Rome, What's with old athletes who don't know when to retire?  Have they no dignity?  Signed, Mark Messier".  Classic...

Visit his web site for daily updates on what he is ripping into.  Here are a couple of examples of of his recent "takes" (rants):

6-7-2005

Someone needs to tell Russell Crowe that winning an Oscar doesn’t mean you get to throw phones at hotel employees.

According to reports, Crowe allegedly smacked a hotel worker with a phone after he had trouble making a call. He was arrested and charged with assault and weapons possession. I guess he really wanted to make that call. According to the reports, he wanted to call his wife at home in Australia, and couldn’t get his phone to work. He ripped the phone from the wall, went down to the front desk and then threw it at the clerk, Josh Estrada, in the face.

Crowe’s camp says that he didn’t assault anyone. “Words were exchanged and he wound up throwing the phone against the wall. He regrets that he lost his temper, but at not time did he assault anyone or touch any hotel employee.”

He didn’t? Then how did the guy get a welt on his cheek? Magic? Look, Russ, I know that you are one of the greatest actors of a generation. I know that you have won an Oscar and that you can pretty much do what you please. But you can’t go lobbing phones at people when it doesn’t work. You can’t start throwing appliances around the lobby in an effort to get some service.

According to police reports Crowe was polite when arrested. “F--- me. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to hit the guy. I just wanted to get the f------ phones to work.” Uh, yeah I guess.
6-7-2005

You want a bad take, I’ll give you a bad take: that the Detroit Pistons somehow fluked their way to a World Championship last season. What is that? You can’t fluke your way to an NBA Championship. You need to win 16 Playoff games to win it all: you can’t fluke your way to 16 wins in the Postseason. You might back into a win or two, but not 16. You might be able to catch lightning in a bottle and pull a major upset in the NCAA title game, but you’re not going to fluke your way through 4 best of 7 game series. The Pistons are no fluke: they’re good, they’re tough, they’re clutch, they have gamers across the board and they’re well coached. This nonsense that they somehow fluked their way to a title is one of the worst takes ever.

As for Miami, there’s no doubt this season represented their best chance to win a ring, the question is, was it their only chance? Has their window of opportunity already slammed shut. And the answer is, probably so. They will never have a better look at it than they did this season. And while Shaq can still dominate for stretches, it’s time to take that “S” off his biceps, the bottom of his swimming pools and the front grills of all his cars because he’s no longer superman. He had two chances to win one game to get his team to the NBA finals and couldn’t cash it in. Superman finishes that. He had his team up 5, at home in the fourth quarter in game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals and couldn’t finish. Superman doesn’t let his team lose in that situation. He was brought for one reason, to win those games and he couldn’t do it.  

Due to the length of this entire posting, I needed to break it down into 3 separate entries.  I hope you find it as interesting as it is lengthy...

My cable bill is insane... I may have a million channels, but I pay Ted Rogers' company so much money per month (and no, I don't subscribe to the porn channels) that he ought to send me some free tickets to the Blue Jays every two or three weeks.  On top of that, I still have the same problem that the person without cable has... THERE IS NOTHING BUT CRAP ON THE TUBE.  Nevertheless, I continue with my subscription and maintain my blind optimism that something good will be on at a reasonable hour.

That said, one of the channels I really enjoy is the Documentary Channel.  It broadcasts some amazing award winning documentaries that are extremely interesting.  The "intellectual" programming is also nicely balanced by the more tittilating stuff, mostly HBO produced, that covers things such as autopsies, sex, drug addition and other sensationalistic topics.

One of the shows I recently watched on the Doc Channel was Dig!, which I had wanted to see when it was in the theatres but never got around to it.  The movie chronicled the paths of two bands, the Dandy Warhols and the Brian Jonestown Massacre.  Although it charted the divergent paths of the one successful and one imploding band, it featured the downward spril of the hugely talented but self-destructive lead singer of the B-J Massacre, Anton Newcombe.  If you have a chance to see this movie, I'd highly recommend it - I'm not a fan of either band, but it was extremely interesting and thought provoking.

One part of the documentary touches on how bands feel like they are getting screwed over by their label.  This is a common story we hear in the press when artists/bands go to war with their record companies, but I never really knew what they meant (other than "creative differences" which I usually assumed was the on going tug of war between remaining true to your art and selling out).  I came across the following article by Steve Albini which goes into detail on the problems with the music business.  Steve's band "Big Black" was an early industrial band that recorded songs that were non-listener friendly - there was a lot of ear-annoying noise and some very unpleasant, dark lyrics.

  Steve also went on to produce a number of albums, including Nirvana's "In Utero" - the noise on songs like "Scentless Apprentice" remind me a little of Big Black's stuff.

Here is Steve’s article - on one hand, I understand that labels end up investing a lot of money in acts that go nowhere and they need to protect their assets.  On the other hand, a lot of great artists and bands get crushed by the corporate music machine.

The Problem With Music
by Steve Albini

Whenever I talk to a band who are about to sign with a major label, I always end up thinking of them in a particular context. I imagine a trench, about four feet wide and five feet deep, maybe sixty yards long, filled with runny, decaying shit. I imagine these people, some of them good friends, some of them barely acquaintances, at one end of this trench. I also imagine a faceless industry lackey at the other end holding a fountain pen and a contract waiting to be signed. Nobody can see what's printed on the contract. It's too far away, and besides, the shit stench is making everybody's eyes water. The lackey shouts to everybody that the first one to swim the trench gets to sign the contract. Everybody dives in the trench and they struggle furiously to get to the other end. Two people arrive simultaneously and begin wrestling furiously, clawing each other and dunking each other under the shit. Eventually, one of them capitulates, and there's only one contestant left. He reaches for the pen, but the Lackey says "Actually, I think you need a little more development. Swim again, please. Backstroke". And he does of course.

Every major label involved in the hunt for new bands now has on staff a high-profile point man, an "A & R" rep who can present a comfortable face to any prospective band. The initials stand for "Artist and Repertoire." because historically, the A & R staff would select artists to record music that they had also selected, out of an available pool of each. This is still the case, though not openly. These guys are universally young [about the same age as the bands being wooed], and nowadays they always have some obvious underground rock credibility flag they can wave.

Lyle Preslar, former guitarist for Minor Threat, is one of them. Terry Tolkin, former NY independent booking agent and assistant manager at Touch and Go is one of them. Al Smith, former soundman at CBGB is one of them. Mike Gitter, former editor of XXX fanzine and contributor to Rip, Kerrang and other lowbrow rags is one of them. Many of the annoying turds who used to staff college radio stations are in their ranks as well. There are several reasons A & R scouts are always young. The explanation usually copped-to is that the scout will be "hip to the current musical "scene." A more important reason is that the bands will intuitively trust someone they think is a peer, and who speaks fondly of the same formative rock and roll experiences. The A & R person is the first person to make contact with the band, and as such is the first person to promise them the moon. Who better to promise them the moon than an idealistic young turk who expects to be calling the shots in a few years, and who has had no previous experience with a big record company. Hell, he's as naive as the band he's duping. When he tells them no one will interfere in their creative process, he probably even believes it. When he sits down with the band for the first time, over a plate of angel hair pasta, he can tell them with all sincerity that when they sign with company X, they're really signing with him and he's on their side. Remember that great gig I saw you at in '85? Didn't we have a blast. By now all rock bands are wise enough to be suspicious of music industry scum. There is a pervasive caricature in popular culture of a portly, middle aged ex-hipster talking a mile-a-minute, using outdated jargon and calling everybody "baby." After meeting "their" A & R guy, the band will say to themselves and everyone else, "He's not like a record company guy at all! He's like one of us." And they will be right. That's one of the reasons he was hired.

These A & R guys are not allowed to write contracts. What they do is present the band with a letter of intent, or "deal memo," which loosely states some terms, and affirms that the band will sign with the label once a contract has been agreed on. The spookiest thing about this harmless sounding little memo, is that it is, for all legal purposes, a binding document. That is, once the band signs it, they are under obligation to conclude a deal with the label. If the label presents them with a contract that the band don't want to sign, all the label has to do is wait. There are a hundred other bands willing to sign the exact same contract, so the label is in a position of strength. These letters never have any terms of expiration, so the band remain bound by the deal memo until a contract is signed, no matter how long that takes. The band cannot sign to another laborer or even put out its own material unless they are released from their agreement, which never happens. Make no mistake about it: once a band has signed a letter of intent, they will either eventually sign a contract that suits the label or they will be destroyed.

One of my favorite bands was held hostage for the better part of two years by a slick young "He's not like a label guy at all," A & R rep, on the basis of such a deal memo. He had failed to come through on any of his promises [something he did with similar effect to another well-known band], and so the band wanted out. Another label expressed interest, but when the A & R man was asked to release the band, he said he would need money or points, or possibly both, before he would consider it. The new label was afraid the price would be too dear, and they said no thanks. On the cusp of making their signature album, an excellent band, humiliated, broke up from the stress and the many months of inactivity. There's this band. They're pretty ordinary, but they're also pretty good, so they've attracted some attention. They're signed to a moderate-sized "independent" label owned by a distribution company, and they have another two albums owed to the label. They're a little ambitious. They'd like to get signed by a major label so they can have some security you know, get some good equipment, tour in a proper tour bus -- nothing fancy, just a little reward for all the hard work. To that end, they got a manager. He knows some of the label guys, and he can shop their next project to all the right people. He takes his cut, sure, but it's only 15%, and if he can get them signed then it's money well spent. Anyways, it doesn't cost them anything if it doesn't work. 15% of nothing isn't much! One day an A & R scout calls them, says he's 'been following them for a while now, and when their manager mentioned them to him, it just "clicked." Would they like to meet with him about the possibility of working out a deal with his label? Wow. Big Break time. They meet the guy, and y'know what -- he's not what they expected from a label guy. He's young and dresses pretty much like the band does. He knows all their favorite bands. He's like one of them. He tells them he wants to go to bat for them, to try to get them everything they want. He says anything is possible with the right attitude.

They conclude the evening by taking home a copy of a deal memo they wrote out and signed on the spot. The A & R guy was full of great ideas, even talked about using a name producer. Butch Vig is out of the question-he wants 100 g's and three points, but they can get Don Fleming for $30,000 plus three points. Even that's a little steep, so maybe they'll go with that guy who used to be in David Letterman's band. He only wants three points. Or they can have just anybody record it (like Warton Tiers, maybe-- cost you 5 or 7 grand] and have Andy Wallace remix it for 4 grand a track plus 2 points. It was a lot to think about. Well, they like this guy and they trust him. Besides, they already signed the deal memo. He must have been serious about wanting them to sign. They break the news to their current label, and the label manager says he wants them to succeed, so they have his blessing. He will need to be compensated, of course, for the remaining albums left on their contract, but he'll work it out with the label himself.

Sub Pop made millions from selling off Nirvana, and Twin Tone hasn't done bad either: 50 grand for the Babes and 60 grand for the Poster Children-- without having to sell a single additional record. It'll be something modest. The new label doesn't mind, so long as it's recoupable out of royalties. Well, they get the final contract, and it's not quite what they expected. They figure it's better to be safe than sorry and they turn it over to a lawyer--one who says he's experienced in entertainment law and he hammers out a few bugs. They're still not sure about it, but the lawyer says he's seen a lot of contracts, and theirs is pretty good. They'll be great royalty: 13% [less a 1O% packaging deduction]. Wasn't it Buffalo Tom that were only getting 12% less 10? Whatever. The old label only wants 50 grand, an no points. Hell, Sub Pop got 3 points when they let Nirvana go. They're signed for four years, with options on each year, for a total of over a million dollars! That's a lot of money in any man's English. The first year's advance alone is $250,000. Just think about it, a quarter million, just for being in a rock band! Their manager thinks it's a great deal, especially the large advance. Besides, he knows a publishing company that will take the band on if they get signed, and even give them an advance of 20 grand, so they'll be making that money too. The manager says publishing is pretty mysterious, and nobody really knows where all the money comes from, but the lawyer can look that contract over too. Hell, it's free money. Their booking agent is excited about the band signing to a major. He says they can maybe average $1,000 or $2,000 a night from now on. That's enough to justify a five week tour, and with tour support, they can use a proper crew, buy some good equipment and even get a tour bus! Buses are pretty expensive, but if you figure in the price of a hotel room for everybody In the band and crew, they're actually about the same cost. Some bands like Therapy? and Sloan and Stereolab use buses on their tours even when they're getting paid only a couple hundred bucks a night, and this tour should earn at least a grand or two every night. It'll be worth it. The band will be more comfortable and will play better.

The agent says a band on a major label can get a merchandising company to pay them an advance on T-shirt sales! ridiculous! There's a gold mine here! The lawyer Should look over the merchandising contract, just to be safe. They get drunk at the signing party. Polaroids are taken and everybody looks thrilled. The label picked them up in a limo. They decided to go with the producer who used to be in Letterman's band. He had these technicians come in and tune the drums for them and tweak their amps and guitars. He had a guy bring in a slew of expensive old "vintage" microphones. Boy, were they "warm." He even had a guy come in and check the phase of all the equipment in the control room! Boy, was he professional. He used a bunch of equipment on them and by the end of it, they all agreed that it sounded very "punchy," yet "warm." All that hard work paid off. With the help of a video, the album went like hotcakes! They sold a quarter million copies! Here is the math that will explain just how fucked they are: These figures are representative of amounts that appear in record contracts daily. There's no need to skew the figures to make the scenario look bad, since real-life examples more than abound. income is bold and underlined, expenses are not.

Advance: $ 250,000 Manager's cut: $ 37,500 Legal fees: $ 10,000 Recording Budget: $ 150,000 Producer's advance: $ 50,000 Studio fee: $ 52,500 Drum Amp, Mic and Phase "Doctors": $ 3,000 Recording tape: $ 8,000 Equipment rental: $ 5,000 Cartage and Transportation: $ 5,000 Lodgings while in studio: $ 10,000 Catering: $ 3,000 Mastering: $ 10,000 Tape copies, reference CDs, shipping tapes, misc. expenses: $ 2,000 Video budget: $ 30,000 Cameras: $ 8,000 Crew: $ 5,000 Processing and transfers: $ 3,000 Off-line: $ 2,000 On-line editing: $ 3,000 Catering: $ 1,000 Stage and construction: $ 3,000 Copies, couriers, transportation: $ 2,000 Director's fee: $ 3,000 Album Artwork: $ 5,000 Promotional photo shoot and duplication: $ 2,000 Band fund: $ 15,000 New fancy professional drum kit: $ 5,000 New fancy professional guitars [2]: $ 3,000 New fancy professional guitar amp rigs [2]: $ 4,000 New fancy potato-shaped bass guitar: $ 1,000 New fancy rack of lights bass amp: $ 1,000 Rehearsal space rental: $ 500 Big blowout party for their friends: $ 500 Tour expense [5 weeks]: $ 50,875 Bus: $ 25,000 Crew [3]: $ 7,500 Food and per diems: $ 7,875 Fuel: $ 3,000 Consumable supplies: $ 3,500 Wardrobe: $ 1,000 Promotion: $ 3,000 Tour gross income: $ 50,000 Agent's cut: $ 7,500 Manager's cut: $ 7,500 Merchandising advance: $ 20,000 Manager's cut: $ 3,000 Lawyer's fee: $ 1,000 Publishing advance: $ 20,000 Manager's cut: $ 3,000 Lawyer's fee: $ 1,000 Record sales: 250,000 @ $12 =
$3,000,000 Gross retail revenue Royalty: [13% of 90% of retail]:
$ 351,000 Less advance: $ 250,000 Producer's points: [3% less $50,000 advance]:
$ 40,000 Promotional budget: $ 25,000 Recoupable buyout from previous label: $ 50,000 Net royalty: $ -14,000

Record company income:

Record wholesale price: $6.50 x 250,000 =
$1,625,000 gross income Artist Royalties: $ 351,000 Deficit from royalties: $ 14,000 Manufacturing, packaging and distribution: @ $2.20 per record: $ 550,000 Gross profit: $ 7l0,000

The Balance Sheet: This is how much each player got paid at the end of the game.

Record company: $ 710,000 Producer: $ 90,000 Manager: $ 51,000 Studio: $ 52,500 Previous label: $ 50,000 Agent: $ 7,500 Lawyer: $ 12,000 Band member net income each: $ 4,031.25

The band is now 1/4 of the way through its contract, has made the music industry more than 3 million dollars richer, but is in the hole $14,000 on royalties. The band members have each earned about 1/3 as much as they would working at a 7-11, but they got to ride in a tour bus for a month. The next album will be about the same, except that the record company will insist they spend more time and money on it. Since the previous one never "recouped," the band will have no leverage, and will oblige. The next tour will be about the same, except the merchandising advance will have already been paid, and the band, strangely enough, won't have earned any royalties from their T-shirts yet. Maybe the T-shirt guys have figured out how to count money like record company guys. Some of your friends are probably already this fucked.

Steve Albini is an independent and corporate rock record producer most widely known for having produced Nirvana's "In Utero".

You will not be seeing a review of this restaurant on the Chew Choo Meter.  I can't believe what some people consider "fun" - just plain disgusting...

 Customers eat from plates shaped as toilet seats in Marton Theme Restaurant in Kaohsiung earlier this month.
PHOTO: AFP

I have been listening to System of a Down's new album Mezmerize quite a bit lately.  It's my first real exposure to SOAD and I am getting hooked.  Great music for driving and working out to.  There is a follow up album titled "Hypnotize" scheduled for the fall and that is definitely on my "must purchase" list. 

I've listened to the new Audioslave a few times and am having trouble getting into it.  I'll have to give it a few more kicks at the can but it's hard to nudge aside some of the other stuff in my changer right now. 

Beck was on SNL this past weekend and the performance was great.  He is in town in September but he's opening for the Rolling Stones and I have no interest in seeing that gig.  Hopefully, he'll be back as a headliner soon.